blahhh.................

today i'm in the mood to write about absolutely nothing all. no topic, no theme... nothing to do with my warped attempts at being poetic. today the blog serves its original purpose- keeping a log of random thoughts. thoughts.... unorganized, random and meaningless; just babble. my mother is coming to visit me for 15 days to attend my comencement and spend some time with me... maybe coz she feels guilty of spending 5 and a half months with my sister(granted she's going through a life altering crisis, but i would have loved to have her for a month if nothing more) a mere 15 days feels like a relative coming to visit and not my mother. today i also had a fight with my boyfriend.... not an unusual occurence in our relationship...infact not having a fight for more than 2 days would be absolutely unheard of... what do you do when the love of your life has been dissapointed by you so bad in the past that they cannot trust you enuf...but still make mountainous efforts to do so, just because they love you.... but what do you do when you know your mistake and repent it and have to live with the fact that your love doesn't trust you and all that because of your own very self. what do you do when your existance in this relationship is guilt-ridden, when you feel so guilty that you start believeing that you are not worthy of being in the relationshsip.... but bf tells you that he's not judging you, so y feel so guilty? what do you say then???? how do you tell them that it is not they but you who has judged yourself and have fallen in your own eyes so low that you don't even know if anything exists that low....
maybe i make no sense, but as i said earlier..... i just wanted to babble and be blahhhh today.